New Thinking Patterns Can Help You Change 

Reprinted from
The Indianapolis Star 
02/10/02

Many of us try to get make fresh starts that will improve or enhance our lives.  We make a valiant effort with the high hope that the changes we make will last.  Then, life happens. 

There is a way to get in control of our lives and make it last though. I finally got through the "been there, done that" dilemma myself, and it didn't even require that I make a big deal of it to myself either.  But, I was proud of getting out of the dwindling loop of failed attempts.

What I had to do was rethink my strategy for basic survival.  I knew I wanted to survive better and improve my life, but that is always easier said than done.  And, I was the queen of saying it.

So, what's the ingredients that enable us to change conditions permanently?

One of the first things I realized was that I needed a valid reason to make a change. That's the first ingredient: having a worthwhile purpose.  And, it should be more than "because I should."

A purpose could be anything from wanting to improve our health in order to live longer to wanting to keep our room neat so we'd feel better in it. 

As for me, I wanted to look twenty again to attract men who are looking at women that remind them of their own youth (when they, themselves looked good).

That's a pretty meaningful purpose, I figured.  And, that's what it took to get me back on the treadmill again. Heck, I even got a personal trainer who worked me into lifting weights, of all things.

You see, I wasn't doing this just for myself -- I was doing it for a man.

The other ingredient I discovered is to be something you want to be.  Just take on the role of being it. I wanted to be more fit, and so I walk around all day thinking how fit I am.  I do have to struggle with that one though, especially as I'm huffing and puffing up hiking trails that drag on what seems endlessly.

How many of you know someone who wanted to quit smoking?  This one guy I know tried so many times he was at the point of feeling completely hopeless about it.  His reasons to quit were always to be healthier, which is worthwhile enough, but apparently not enough for him.  Then, one day he decided he wanted to do it to live longer for the people who cared about him --for them.

I found that interesting -- another person who made a change stick because he was doing it for someone other than himself.  We can call this an unselfish reason, and may be something good to look at when deciding on a purpose.

He also said he became a non-smoker in the instant he decided to "be" a non-smoker.  The urge never came back to him to pick up another cigarette.  I think that goes beyond "will-power," which takes a lot more work.

For people to say, "I'm going to quit smoking" is continually saying it's going to be done in the future.  So, I realized that is the third ingredient: Live in the now.

To live in the present may be the hardest step for some people to make.  Many individuals seem to walk around as if their beloved dog Max just died, when he actually departed many moons ago.

By thinking or saying what you want to do as something you "will be doing" is to keep that decision in the future, not in the now.

Now, it's okay to decide what you want your future to be.  For instance, if you want to prosper better, you can set your goals to achieve more prosperity.  But, what you should say to yourself is, "I am prosperous" rather than, "I'm going to be rich," or some phrase like that.

I believe we can train ourselves to new thinking patterns. If I can walk around all day as a young and fit woman (and it's taking less of a mind's eye than before!), than I say anyone can.  It's been tried and tested for your benefit.

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